Satisfying my deep desire to live my true feminine self… by entering a virtual world, by Samantha Jenkins

Samantha’s Story

First and foremost Jenny, I would like to thank you for your remarkable podcast, and genuine honesty and bravery in displaying so publicly, your personal struggles in trying to establish your female identity over the years. As you speak to these fears, the shame and the turmoil suffered in merely wanting to find and bring to life the Jenny inside your male, I remember my own similar experiences and feel a deep sense of regret of all this wasted time in concealing the real me.

Even now, despite decades of a wholly loving marriage, I mourn my self-imposed disguise, knowing my partner would never accept my true nature that hides but yearns to be set free. What am I to do to bring satisfaction, however temporary? Online shopping has brought me some relief, with my stash of clothing, heels, lingerie and silicone breasts bringing out captured brief spans of sheer exaltation in dressing in the many seductive layers that we know is so intoxicating. But alas, these moments are far too short lived as the sensual garments are hurriedly put away in the hidden space beneath the stairs and my male costume is donned again.

I do not wish to belabor the obvious struggle so many of us are forced to play in order to maintain our accepted place in our public male lifestyle, but only want to describe a solution of sorts that I have discovered five years ago: the pleasurable depths of being a female avatar in the open digital world of Second Life.

You’re shaking your head, perhaps, I would too, but if you’ll indulge me for a moment, you might find my journey interesting. A very abbreviated description is needed, I think.

Second Life is a visually rich online world created about 15 years ago. It is in essence a social media platform but without the scrolling text screens, comment replies and like buttons.  Instead, this world is comprised of vivid landscapes, cities, multiple continents, sail-able seas, and planets both realistic and fantastical.  It is inhabited by mostly human characters, though there are elves and furries, robots and any other form of personal self expression imagined, the point being that real people living in a digital world that is hyper-realistic (or surrealistic!)

When I say present themselves, I am not talking about a cartoon character bouncing about (Boing! Boing! Boing!) what I mean is a stunning level of detail, infinitely composed and self-tailored right down to the realistic freckles, cheekbones, skin tones, hair styles and manner of movement (walking and dancing and breathing), adding to this is veritably unlimited hairstyles, cosmetics of every type, and lets not forget the clothing, the lingerie, the heels!

Let’s just say your wardrobe and makeup choices are without limit. One’s gender choices are also without limit, and every body part option: breasts (of all sizes, wiggle and squishieness), pussys (piercing, bushiness to shaved), cocks (size, thickness, dripping with cum, tattooed!), pierced noses ears lips and tongues, gauged ears, fingernails of all styles colors and lengths, eye colors, scars, anything imaginable is available.  This is because many of the people in Second Life are creators – they makes these clothes and augmentations, and movement styles and every chair and building and tree and mountain. Its all available to everyone though an online market, or more enjoyably, in shop and events you can visit with your friends.

When I began my own journey in Second Life (forgive me if I’m sounding like an advertisement) during my initial avatar (character) creation I immediately decided to present as a woman, throwing myself utterly and completely into wanted to show my desired self in this world. In this deeply creative, open minded, immersive space I have formed lasting friendships with no judgment about who, I wish to be with the added benefit of it being a social media platform, and a place to do one’s fetishes, test out one’s sexuality, as well as all of the mundane things like clothes shopping, going out to clubs and music events – but now in my deeply satisfying preferred form.

This digital “Second Life” has helped me to find a nourishing joy in releasing my inner woman, while at the same time protecting my relationships in my “real” life. I know it’s not ideal, that feeling of clipping real garter belts to real stockings offers, but I find my now bulging at the seams digital wardrobe is immersive enough to stimulate a great deal of happiness.

I would invite you and any of your fabulous followers to take a tour of this place. It is free to join and explore forever, though I will say, the temptation of buying a 12-garter strap with laced 10 denier stocking paired with 6-inch red shiny mules is not easy to withstand! The plus side, it costs veritably nothing, and you don’t have to hide them in a bin beneath the stairs!

Apologies Jenny, for this long email. I thank you again for everything you’ve been doing for the crossdressing trans community.  I’ll leave some basic instructions on how people can begin their Second Life journey (below).