A woman with purple hair posing in front of lights.

Confessions: It’s time to write my alternative biography

I have lived two lives.

One as me, the me everyone knows in my life. And I am happy. Broadly.

And then there is Jenny Raven. She is a naughty gurl.

Jenny is a relatively new name for the other me.

I chose this name because I needed a pen name and both words, Jenny and Raven, spoke to me, while also suggesting a contrast, just like the one hidden deep inside me.

Jenny has been my silent passenger all my life. She’s always just millimetres from the surface.

She’s constantly and unrelentingly directing my conscious mind, and my eyeline toward those high heels, sheer black stockings, skirts, red nails, makeup and femminity.

In part she is a lusty slut, and she wants to do very naughty things with girls who present this way.

In another way, she so desperately wants to be one of those girls too. To relax into a warm bath or erotic, sensual play with her besties. To confess herself fully. To explore and be explored. To lick and be licked. To strut in her heels and be admired and desired.

So this story is coming to you in the form of my alternative biography.

Kind of my reflections and also a self help guide for gurls like me. Not that I have all the answers. Maybe though, just a couple.

All my life I have made deep connections with extraordinary women with whom I have shared my kink. Maybe around ten women or so, all of whom I am deeply grateful for embracing my vulnerability.

What kind of imagery should I use in my explicit biography?

Naughty? Vanilla? You choose!​ Vote below and see the shocking results!

Most notably this was in the naughties with Ruby and co. You can read about that in my first two books, The Initiation of Hannah and Ruby’s Rose. My third book is also in part autobiographical, First Time (you can read the first two, or listen to the erotic audiobooks free on my site HERE).

Over the last couple of years I have had several instagram accounts too, each one getting banned every so often. Over that time I have chatted to many gurls. Some like me. Others more confused. And I have spent time chatting and understanding their plight. It struck me during these chats that there is not much truly unbiased support out there. I mean in makes sense, we often feel shame and guilt around these feelings at a young age, which can distort into something more weird in older age.

I am not saying we should all bout out, loud and proud. But I am saying that we can learn from each other and fell compassion. And even offer insight from lives that have been lived.

I have found that people have wild and extreme opinions about us gurls who have at one end, a sexual need and kink to be feminine. While at the other end, some of us have a deep need to become a woman.

And I have also found that it’s not helpful to impose any world view, ideology or reality onto someone who is discovering who they are. Better to be a comopassionate ear and to listen, and to only ever offer the thought ‘just be you’. There is so much pressure to conform to ther people and their polarised ideas of how we should all be in our lives.

And so I am looking back at my kinky closet and past life, crammed with lace and nylon, laughs and tears, glorious self expression peppered with shame and guilt, all with a view to at the very least, to share some experiences and reflections so others can maybe learn from them.

It makes sense then that I undertake this journey with an amazing woman too, one who is also writing a book of her own. We will remain anonymous to each others readerships, but for now I will call her Viktoria. She knows what’s in my closet for sure. We have spent time rummaging through it. And I know what’s in hers, though I do hope we can surprise each other.

Together we have set a writing schedule for our tow very different, yet oddly similar books, and have agreed to read each others work.

This is important to me as I write best when I have a deadline and muse.

So Viktoria and myself are going to slip into red platform heels, black lace top stockings, short skirts and slink down memory lane together. At least for my book. For hers, who knows what I will need to wear. Boxing gloves perhaps!

So, it will be painful at times.

Hilarious too.

And no doubt sexy as hell occasionally, at least for me.

But most of all it will be honest. And hopefully, it may even help you a little on your journey through life too.

Jenny Raven

5 thoughts on “Confessions: It’s time to write my alternative biography”

  1. This is a revealing post highlighting some insecurity rather than brimming with confidence. Simultaneously, it hints at your deep understanding of your needs and how fragile others like you might feel … and I’m one of them.
    I don’t suffer from dysphoria or dysmorphia, but I’m firmly in the ‘temporary’ girl camp. I’ve rarely been able to go the whole way in presentation, but when I have, the desire to be with someone like me is overwhelming. In that respect, you’ve gone so much further than many of us who would like to. x

    1. Thank you lovely, and yes perhaps it’s insecurity. I am not sure that is as specific a word to describe it, but it’s a good umbrella one. Shame and guilt in childhood driving feelings underground, fear of what will happen when I reveal myself, if I even dare. And so much more. This is going to be a voyage of discovery and compassion.

    2. Having spent time writing now, I have settled on a very natural device. It’s writtne in two voices. My masculine and that of Jenny. Both are VERY different and it also facilitates candid revelations too. One can say a great deal about the other, that old psychology trick, and it works wonders.

  2. I note you describe your desire to be Jenny Raven as a ‘kink’. I have never seen or felt any of this as a kink. For the time I am Hayley I feel that I am a woman, in every sense and on every level. I don’t want to dress slutty or visit dark places I just want to be accepted in the ‘normal’ world for however much time that I have. No judgement by me, ever btw. Every one comes at this from a different angle.

    1. I agree, I do experience this as a kink. In the survey I have just done, I asked why we crossdress, and it was to address this distinction. My motivation is one of arousal, where others it is to be more feminine, which often leads to intimacy and thus arousal. It’s interesting to see how we all experience different shades of ourselves.

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