I have a wild, imaginative, very specific and deliciously erotic sense of sexual fantasy.

I am a kinky, slutty girlie. In my head. My fantasies are wild. 

My guess is that if yo are reading this, yours are too.

We all have our deepest sensual stories that we would love to explore in real life.

Well, I do.

As part of the writing my ongoing self-exploration of a biography, I have been thinking about fantasies for the last few weeks.

No surprise, mine are drenched in erotic femininity, pretty clothing, heavy makeup, deep intimacy, naughty playfulness, and… er… so much more (blushes).

Honestly though, my fantasies are not too extreme.

I hear from others who share their fantasies with me, some via the ongoing survey, and I do admit, I raise an eyebrow.

No shade.

No judgement.

If no-one is hurt and everyone is a consenting adult, it’s all good.

But yeah, for me, WOW! You want to do THAT!?

I do love the diversity of human eroticism though.

Though for some of the fantasies I have heard, I struggle to see how they could be lived out with fully consenting folk.

And here’s the rub, I want to live out my fantasies. For real.

So how do I do that?

My fantasies are deep rooted in femininity of course, but also fused with an early childhood erotic experience, as well as what I do creatively for work. All formed in adolescence.

In the past, I have shared these fantasies with girl friends, and some have agreed to participate. More often they have declined, almost always with a smile and a hug though.  

The problem of course, is when they say ‘yes’, it’s conveying the detail.

Often fantasies require participants to do, or to say things, specific things, and I mean VERY specific details, for the fantasy to fully ‘click’.

I recall one girl friend being surprised that the height of heels, the denier of stockings, the shade of red nails, all made a difference. The conversation during the fantasy is even more important. The power dynamic. The probing. The questions.   

This playful conversation during the fantasy is critical to get right.

I have found that, as weird as it may seem, creating a written cheat sheet really helps get the details down. It helps your participants grapple with your nitty gritty, as well as eases the moment of sharing, as often I find when I request a fantasy in detail, it can trigger shyness, feeling weird or worse, shame and guilt.

At the heart of all of this is perhaps the deepest of all desires.

Connection, fully exposed sharing, deep acceptance and enthusiastic engagement.

To feel these emotions while also living out a fantasy is transcendent.

It’s my key piece of advice for wives and girlfriends who discover their partner is a secret crossdresser.

If you can get past your judgement, and enthusiastically engage, your relationship will transform. Have fun with it. Explore every aspect. And NEVER shame anyone. EVER. That will destroy your relationship.   

My great challenge at the moment is that everyone in my current crop of XDressing fantasies are real people.

Making the request to participate in my fantasies can be dangerous for trusted friendships.

And I am aware that this is a one-sided ask. It’s MY fantasy I am asking for engagement with (though of course I would do anything in return).  

Luckily, I have managed to navigate this minefield in the past and never lost a relationship yet.

I am sharing this I guess as I want to embark on a new chapter of fantasy exploration, one that will require me making more requests. I feel nervous. I feel afraid. But I am also excited.

Wish me luck.

And feel free to share your fantasies below, I would love to hear them.