Episode Three: TransMichaela, Fashion & makeup model

Jenny Raven: Welcome to the Jenny Raven Podcast. Episode four, Micaela Pashley. So welcome to this podcast with me, Jenny Raven. I’m delighted to have Mikaela with me in the room to record what I hope will be a very, very fascinating and possibly the life changing conversation for myself. Mikaela, how are you doing?

TransMichaela: I’ve got no complaints, Jenny. I’ve had an absolutely lovely week away from work and it’s been a pleasure to be able to be on this podcast with you today.

Jenny Raven: So let’s just dive in straight away. I often start these conversations with quick fire questions in order to get ourselves into the, into the vibe, into the mood. So straight off the bat, red or black?

TransMichaela: Black, but it depends on the outfit you might get. You might go black dress, red heels, so you could, you could have a hybrid. But as you can see from what I’m wearing today, I’m wearing black today.

Jenny Raven: 10 denier or 20 denier?

TransMichaela: 10.

Jenny Raven: Ideal height of heels for wearing out flat. On camera or behind the camera?

TransMichaela: On camera.

Jenny Raven: Watch or be watched?

TransMichaela: Depends. I am one of these people who enjoys cuckoldry in both roles. So I would love to see my boyfriend cuck me.

Jenny Raven: Wow.

TransMichaela: And I would love to cuck my boyfriend. And so watch or be watched if it’s in that kind of cuckoldry context. I’m very much a switch and I.

Jenny Raven: Enjoy both giver or receiver.

TransMichaela: In terms of pleasure, I’m very kind of submissive and I want to give as much pleasure to my partner. If my partner has lots of pleasure and comes, my needs are very much secondary to his. But in terms of top or bottom, and this is the thing about being, you know, when you’re trans and you’ve been on hormones for a long time and if you, if you take strong testosterone blockers, it doesn’t work like that anymore. Right. So all I can really do is receive. And I can’t speak for other girls because hormones affect different people in different ways. T blockers affect different people in different ways and people have different levels of hormones that they take. So I can’t speak for other girls, but for me, that down there doesn’t work. It doesn’t function as a male organ anymore. So I’m very much, very much bottom in that respect.

Jenny Raven: Well, I often find there’s lots of other parts of our bodies that definitely work, even when that part isn’t working. So this is a question I actually answered myself yesterday, which surprised me because I went back in my mind to ask myself this. But most organisms in one day, oh, My goodness me.

TransMichaela: Ever.

Jenny Raven: Yeah.

TransMichaela: I probably go as high as 2 or 3. But again, because I’m, you know, to use your. Your language, I’m very much a giver in the bedroom. Like, my pleasure is not the orgasm. My pleasure is in experiencing my partner orgasming with me. That’s, you know, and I don’t have to come. As long as he has a great time, then that is all the pleasure that I need.

Jenny Raven: Favourite clothing in the bedroom.

TransMichaela: Lingerie. So I like and I model lingerie from Anne Summers and Victoria’s Secret quite a lot, occasionally Killstar. But there is nothing that beats a set of really good Victoria’s Secret lingerie.

Jenny Raven: Favourite naughty word.

TransMichaela: Favourite naughty word. I’m gonna go with slut for now.

Jenny Raven: Ooh, I love that word myself as well. Yeah.

TransMichaela: But it has to be delivered in context. If I’ve just got, like, some guy just calling me a slut and it’s out of context, it doesn’t really make sense. And you call me a good little slut, or you can call me a naughty, bratty slut that won’t do what she’s told. Also, a former lover of mine came up with a great word which I loved and I’d not heard it before, and it was cock sleeve. Like, you’re just a cock sleeve. And I. I absolutely love that. I thought that was so funny and so creative.

Jenny Raven: Boys or girls?

TransMichaela: Exclusively boys. I don’t. I mean, I wouldn’t even know what to do with the fairest sex, if I’m honest.

Jenny Raven: So solo, twosome, threesome or more?

TransMichaela: Great question. So, just to give you a little bit of my kind of history, most of my meets and encounters have been solo. However, once or twice I’ve had threesomes, usually at swingers clubs. As in male, male, female. But I’ve always been curious. I’ve always wanted to try a gang bang. I’ve never done it, principally because physical attraction is quite important to me. And trying to find one or two guys that I’m attracted to, if that’s hard enough. Yeah, because I, you know, I can be quite picky. I’m not, you know, I’m not the pickiest bitch in the world, but I can be quite picky. You know, I expect them to be. To be, you know, well presented, clean and in shape, which I don’t think is unreasonable. But I’ve not been in a situation where I’ve been able to find, you know, four or five guys available at the same time that are into quirky transsexuals. It’s so it’s. It’s quite. Yeah, it’s that. That part has been a challenge and it’s probably because I’ve got something of a. A fetish, I guess, for cream pies. And that really drives me sexually. It’s probably not something that I’m ever going to do. And that’s okay. Some things are allowed to stay fantasies and I’m at peace with that.

Jenny Raven: You’ve really tapped into one of the big broader questions which I want to circle back round to, which is, you know, when does it stay fantasy or should you pursue it as reality? Because how do you find the balance? When there’s too much that isn’t. How did I describe it when I was chatting with my therapist about it? But it’s unmet needs that are fantasy, but they kind of show up in my body as needs. At what point do you either say that’s not gonna happen or do you pursue it? We’ll swing back to that. I have two final questions, simple ones. So what is your secret? Sensual reckon I’m very playful in the.

TransMichaela: Bedroom and I love to try new things. But what I guess, especially if it’s one to one, what I love to do is role play because, you know, I’m quite outgoing and I love portraying and I love cosplaying different characters. Whatever the scenario, I love to have fun with sex.

Jenny Raven: Yeah, I really resonate with that. Actually. That brings one of the questions which I skipped over. Which is preferred, uniform schoolgirl or secretary?

TransMichaela: Schoolgirl. There was a former male lover of mine who I only know as Melissa. I only know him as Melissa, but he is a cisgendered male crossdresser, doesn’t identify as trans at all. And I’ve only ever met him when he is male presenting. But I still know him as Melissa. And we did some incredible role plays. He was very much more into the secretary look than the score. Goal. And at our first meet, which was going back years now, I broke into his house. That was in inverted commas. I know this is audio only. So I broke into his house and I’d never met him before. This was a stranger off the Internet. I broke into his house and he caught me and tied me up and ransomed me off to my partner at the time. And when they couldn’t pay, and obviously they were in on it, when they couldn’t pay, he. He had his very rough way with me. But he bought me to wear for the occasion. He gave me the outfit, let me keep it and I’ve still got It. He gave me a secretary outfit that was, and I’ll be honest with you, incredibly well put together. And it wasn’t, you know, some cheap costume from some Amazon costume cosplay shop or anything. It was from New Look. It looked great. And that’s why I still got it and I still occasionally wear it for work.

Jenny Raven: Amazing. Can I have your life right now, please? I’m deeply envious.

TransMichaela: I’ve not done that for a while. I did see Melissa, I think maybe last year or the year before, I can’t remember, and he came over and he came over to my home and he did the same kind of thing. But you have met him a few times over the years, and he honestly is so much fun. And he wants to do a photo shoot with me over the next. Over the next few weeks. So nothing naughty or anything, but he’d love to. He said he’d love to do a bondage shoot with me, and I’m well up for that. I think that that’d be great fun.

Jenny Raven: That beautifully segues into one of the big themes of what I wanted to talk to you about. And I want to stay pretty much in the narrow lane of my life experience and to some degree, your life experience, because it’s very easy to accidentally wander into other people’s experiences. And I don’t want to speak for anybody else when. With a little bit of extra context, I guess, for the survey that we’ve just run, where 500 people submitted their answers and some data came out of that very general, broad data. But just going back to my childhood, there was a very clear moment when I was, I don’t know, four or five years old. And I very, very deeply knew that I wanted to. To be female. I wanted to be a girl. I couldn’t explain it. And it became. It was very much an impossibility for me at that point. I just. I didn’t even know what that even meant. I got very, very badly teased. So I buried it. And it remained buried for most of my life. And now, as I’ve got later in my life, it’s kind of resurfaced. And it’s resurfaced as a. As a melancholy, as a. As an unlived life. And that’s in some ways why I kind of. I see you living your life, and it’s not that I’m envious of it, but there’s the melancholy that I didn’t choose that pathway as well. I don’t really know where I’m going with this, aside from I Guess exploring it because you made the choice and I didn’t make the choice. But what are your thoughts on that?

TransMichaela: So that’s really interesting you mentioned that. I remember being very, very little and I was, I was really into the Power Rangers when I was little but whenever I played my favourite Power Ranger was the Yellow Power Ranger. Obviously Yellow Power Ranger was female, right? And I just wanted to be the Yellow Power Ranger. All the kids at school took the piss because they wanted to be the Red Ranger or the Blue Ranger or the Black Ranger. And even when I got to pick which Ranger I wanted to be first, I was always the Yellow Ranger. That was just it. I really wanted to be the Yellow Ranger. And I realised very early on that I didn’t get on with boys very much. And I spent a lot of my very early years with a girl in my class called Amanda and she was Italian and we would go over to her house and we would play Barbies and dress them up and I remember having so much fun with that. And our mom always used to cook pasta like fresh Italian Bolognese. And I’d never had it before and I absolutely adore, adored it. So I knew that whenever I got to go to Amanda’s house I got to play Barbies and I got to eat this, this delightful Bolognese. After Amanda moved, I then had another friend called Amber and we, we would play, we would, we would larp, we would role play all over the field during the summer, the school field and, and me and Amber kind of drifted apart and I hung around with a Japanese girl called Sachi for a while and this is all when I, you know, before the age of eight, you know, I didn’t have male friends really until about the age of maybe 10 when I met, when I met my friend Mark we had, you know, we had fun but the stuff that we would talk about with things like cute hamsters, I mean it’s not, it wasn’t really a boy kind of thing that we would, we would discuss during my teenage years. I wanted, you know, long hair and I wore an eyeliner and I wore a green eyeshadow. I always remember my green eyeshadow, particularly in my, my kind of later teenage years. I thought I was bi for a while anyway. I’m going to skip forward for a little bit but Till I was 18, I was 18 years old and there was nothing more I, I loved in terms of colour than pink. I loved pink. And I went and I bought myself a bright pink mobile phone and I loved it and I Just started my first full time job. I left my sixth form college and start my first full time job. So I was in my. Obviously this is all pre transition so I was wearing my Burton suit but I had this little pink foam and it was so special to me because it was pink and it was mine. I got the unholy piss taken out of me by my colleagues for that.

Jenny Raven: And it’s just a colour.

TransMichaela: Yeah, it’s just a colour. That’s it. It’s just a colour. And it was around about that time that all of a sudden and because I respect, I respected, you know, my mom’s wardrobe and everything. So I wasn’t one of these girls that was kind of, you know, stealing shoes and clothes and stuff from my mum. That wasn’t me. It was once I was 18 and I had disposable income that I was ordering girls clothes from the Internet. I would order clothes and when I was on my late shift and I was on, you know, particularly you know, when I was living the line or. And when I moved in with my, with my then partner who didn’t know at first but they found out pretty quick when I was on late shift I had like three or four hours while they were at work and I was, and I was at home and I would, I would dress and it would be cathartic beyond words. I can’t even explain how wonderful it felt.

Jenny Raven: Yeah.

TransMichaela: And it wasn’t a sex thing. It wasn’t like I would, you know, put it on and have a wank. It was just being. And things kind of, kind of grew from there. I’d rather not if it’s okay with the journey. I’d rather not kind of go into the intricacies of the journey that I had in my 20s and 30s purely because it’s quite, it’s quite difficult for me to talk about. There’s a lot of struggle and I, I told a lot of lies for a very, very long time about who I was and that guilt will live with me forever.

Jenny Raven: A couple of things that you, you said earlier that I, I wanted to mirror or echo. I began my dressing journey very early on as a child but somehow I knew this is the language the 7 year old would use. I knew it was wrong and I would go to hell. So I didn’t. And when I became sexually mature that’s when I started again. I’d physically outgrown the ability to plunder my mum’s wardrobe anyway so that was not a possibility. So I had to find alternative ways and I didn’t have much, but when my mum did find it, as she inevitably would, because I was only 12, 13, all hell broke loose in a most awful, awful. You are going to go to hell. There was a ceremonial burning of everything, and this shall never be spoken about ever again. And I very much withdrew into. I just. I just put my focus elsewhere. I just didn’t go there. And maybe eight or nine years later, again, when I finally was away from home, I was able to begin again. And you know how you characterised it as. It’s impossible to describe how it makes you feel. That is something I resonate with. Like, there is. There is. It’s almost spiritual, it’s almost like your soul. For me, it’s almost like my soul wanted to weep when I was finally allowed to be the full me. And I can’t really explain why that is. But what is also fascinating, and this comes out of the survey that we did, is how many other people you know, when I asked, how does it make you feel that first time, or very early on, when you began, the message coming through was. It was unbelievable. I was finally me. I was able to be my fullest self and I could hardly breathe. Everybody seemed to be saying a version of this, which is really important, I think, because I think, I suppose my flavour of where I’m at is, in common parlance, I guess we call it cross dressing, and that is. It’s a strangely fringe thing in society still. And I guess I’m still trying to find out where I’m at on that journey. One of the big questions I’ve been asking me is, am I trans? With an ideology that has been pushed upon me through decades of. Perhaps oppression is maybe too heavy a word, but certainly social ideology. Or am I just a cross dresser? I don’t even like the word just. Or am I a cross dresser? And what does that even mean? You know, I mentioned earlier, I was in therapy all last year and largely it was because I was trying to find out who I really was, because I had this unmet need, this deep melancholy that I wanted to go out and explore but didn’t quite know how to, because I’m in a relationship and you know that that would be like setting off a nuclear bomb inside the relationship. If I said I need to go out, I need to do all of these things that are very much locked away deep inside me. So now I’m interviewing myself instead of talking to you, but I’m just. I guess I’m just resonating with. With what your journey Was. And again, slightly in awe that you’ve crossed that veil and I haven’t. And I suppose. What advice would you give to me then?

TransMichaela: This is very difficult. Bear in mind that in my profession, I do give a lot of advice that changes people’s lives and that massively affects people’s lives, but it’s more on the money side. So without really kind of knowing you and how you feel, bear in mind I’m not a psychologist.

Jenny Raven: Sure.

TransMichaela: When I came out and told my partner initially, just to try and soften the blow, that I was gender fluid, that destroyed our relationship irreparably. Absolutely. And this was a relationship that was loving and warm and full of joy. And we were partners in business as well as in life. And what I can say is that while it’s been very difficult, we are now on the other side. We are best friends, we hang out. They’re still there and they probably will be for the rest of my life. But it’s different everything in life. And I remember being told this just for any listeners out there, I’m very quickly going to plug this. If you go and look up 21st century trans on YouTube, it’s run by a friend of mine called Daniela, and she taught me that in life, everything is transient. Everything is simply moving from one state to another. And this is constant. And just because the romantic part of your relationship ends, it doesn’t mean that your relationship ends necessarily. It just means it’s time for the next step. I’ve got friends who came out in their 40s and their 50s and they are happier than they have ever been. It’s a little bit like the old expression, when’s the best time to plant the seed? Well, last season. Right. When’s the second best time? Right now. So if there are people listening and you are feeling trapped, well, first of all, talk to someone. For God’s sake, talk to someone. But if you’ve made the decision to that this is something that you need to do, because we only live once. You have got one shot in this life and you do not want to look back at age 60 or 70 or 80 and think, I’ve lived the wrong life. And there is a band called Against Me and they’re fronted by a trans woman. And there’s a wonderful quote in their song, True Trans Soul Rebel. You should have been a mother, you should have been a wife. You should have been gone from here years ago. You should be living a different life. It doesn’t matter how old you are, it is never too late. Live the best life you can, because we are only here once. And if you do make this decision, one of the things you’ve got to evaluate is how important is gender presentation versus gender identity. And if you want to present in a binary fashion and you want to present as stereotypical women present, then you’ve got a very painful and costly road ahead with things like hormones, laser hair removal, electrolysis, and if it’s your bag surgery. I don’t think that the NHS is going to be there from the beginning. That waiting list is several years long and who’s really helped me has been an organisation called Gender gp. And they get a little bit of a bad rap for kind of being like the Ryanair of kind of trans healthcare services, because they’ll charge you for. Just like they’ll charge you for fucking anything, right? But they are, when you. When you add, when you tot it all up, they are. They are very competitively priced. It’s just that you keep having to get your card out and putting in. Putting in your card details for every little. For every little thing. But they’ve been an enormous help to me and I wouldn’t, I simply wouldn’t be where I am without their amazing support, medically and psychologically.

Jenny Raven: You know, I mean, for me personally, I think. I think I’m at the point in my life where I would just like to be me. And I don’t really think, however that shows up every day. I don’t particularly have a desire for it to be in a. I don’t think I would want to attempt to present fully as a woman because I don’t think. I mean, my bone structure wouldn’t allow that and. But just to be me. And I suppose the irony is that I know that first day would be a shock because the world would be different around me, but at the same time, I also know deep down, nobody cares, really. There’s not. Or at least not many people care. There will be some assholes, obviously, but the majority of people were too busy being in their own lives to really care and we’ll just get on with it. So, yeah, you’re nudging me another inch towards that veil that I began the conversation in. And I’m meeting up with a girlfriend tomorrow because we have a potential business proposition that includes, I suppose, me coming out and. But, yeah, that’s the conversation for tomorrow, but that does actually segue quite nicely into your business philosophies and what you do within this domain. So why don’t you tell us what you do and how you make that work for you?

TransMichaela: Sorry, what do you mean?

Jenny Raven: Well, you know, the modelling and the.

TransMichaela: Oh, right. Well, I don’t get paid for modelling. Are you kidding me? No, I do that for fun. That’s Instagram. That’s fun. That’s what I do, just for fun. Because I’m a light core. Right, right.

Jenny Raven: And have you ever considered that going down the OnlyFans route or anything like that?

TransMichaela: I had one, but I’m not. This is the thing, I’m not a porn star. When I looked into what you need to do to make porn and make good porn, you need particular lighting and a particular vibe and it just wasn’t my bag. And you know, I, I love doing lingerie modelling and I love modelling, fashion and makeup. But the OnlyFans thing I decided in terms of producing porn wasn’t for me, it just wasn’t. There’s plenty of, of raunchy content and, and also, I mean, there’s news of me on FetLife. You know, if you really want to. Oh, you’ve got to see Trans McKayva’s tits, right? I’m on FetLife. You know, if you really want, you know, if you really want to see that, then, you know, go nuts. You know, it doesn’t bother me. I don’t want to charge for it, you know, you know, there have been people that contact me and they’ve said, oh, can I get a full know new photoshoot or whatever. It, it’s just like, well, you know, giving you high quality photos, I will, I’ll charge you for that. If you want to see the uncensored photos of a nude shoot that I’ve blurred for, for Instagram, then fine. But you know that, that’s, that comes with, with, with admin for me and to send them to you and to make sure that I’ve got all the copyright stuff in place to confirm that, you know, it still belongs to me on a copyright basis. And you know, so that, that’s, that’s worked for me. Right? But you know, really when I see it, I’m on, I’m on FetLife. I’m going to charge for that. In, in my, my kind of my work life, I run two businesses that are moderately successful and I also sit on the board of a third business and these are in the finance world and I work really hard. I’ve got some great clients, some very loyal clients that love what I do and I keep my work and my private life relatively separate. You know, don’t get me wrong, I do sometimes blend. So I do sometimes I’ll model something. I’ll do a more conservative modelling shoot and I’ll be holding my textbook that I wrote. So get your copy today. Yeah, so that’s, that’s, you know, that, that’s. That’s about as. As. As far as the blur between my work life and my. My personal life go. And I’ve said this before, I’ve said this very openly trans. Michaela, as a. As an Instagram model, is very much a character. It’s not, it’s not me. I’m Michaela. You know, I’ve got, you know, I’m. I’m. Yeah, I’m outgoing and, and, you know, I don’t really give a. What people think and all of that stuff. But, you know, I’m a professional woman. You know, I’m a parent, you know, I. I’ve got, you know, I’m a business owner. I’m not this. I’m not. I’m not some, you know, some influencer that sits on Instagram all day that’s got all these. All these sponsorships from. From various places. I don’t have any sponsorships, you know, oh, my God. Try and get Victoria’s Secret to even acknowledge that my post exists. I have, you know, I’m giving them all this free advertising. It says frustrating in that respect. Respect. I’d love it if Victoria’s Secret Nan Simmons said, yeah, we’d love to work with you, we’d love to do an advertising campaign, here’s a salary or whatever. Right. I’d love for that to happen, but realistically, it’s not. I love the work that I do. I love my businesses. And I also very much love my boyfriend, and I’m sure that he’d rather that I wasn’t charging to other men to see me suck his dick. I mean, it’s one of these. One of these things. I mean, I don’t know, you might be into that, but, you know, I’m just. Just kind of using a little bit of intuition here. It’s different when you’re doing it, you know, and it’s. It’s like a kind of a free. A free titty shot on FetLife for the kink community. Different entirely when you’re starting to make, you know, commercial profit out of it.

Jenny Raven: So, again, that segues into one of the things I know we talked about when we were chatting on Instagram chat, and you said you would be quite happy to share some of your more adventurous bedroom escapades and things that have happened for you. So are there any standout experiences that you think we could learn from?

TransMichaela: Well, hang on. The story about Melissa wasn’t enough. Are we, Are we seriously saying this? That the story about breaking into someone’s house, laughing and then them catching you and blackmailing your partner, that’s. That’s not enough. That’s not kinky enough.

Jenny Raven: That’s the gold standard.

TransMichaela: That, that is the gold standard. And there have been, I mean, there have been been other kind of LARPs that I’ve done that. It’s kind of similar to that one. But I mean, you know, I was. I don’t really identify with the community so much anymore, particularly since I found I love the swing community, right. And majority of people are lovely, but I found that on some of the big swing sites, the forum mods allow blatant transphobia on the forums and, you know, and I’d rather not patronise any, any organisation which permits such things. And it’s one of the reasons I love FetLife because there’s very strict rules in place about that. And I’m, you know, and I’m a. I financially support FetLife. I’m a paying member, but that’s very much more kink rather than swinger. But I got a lot of my experiences from the swing community and I used to go to an awful lot of clubs. I went recently with my ex partner and we went, we went back to CJ’s in Glasgow and it was great to catch up with lots of old faces and meet a few new ones and it was a great night out and we ended up getting a McDonald’s at like 1:00 in the morning. It was such a fun night.

Jenny Raven: So if you could indulge me for a moment because I know, you know, as we started our very, very early on in our conversation, I identified myself as a cross dresser and clothing is very, very important to my identity when I’m in that Persona. But what are your favourite outfits, clothes, textures, materials?

TransMichaela: So if I’m. Again, if I’m in the bedroom, it’s got to be lingerie, right? I would say two companies that I love to wear that are kind of dresses and kind of out, outdoorsy clothes, you know, clothes that I can go to a business meeting in or go on a date in or whatever. And those companies are. Number one is Killstar, which is kind of gothic alternative fashion at a reasonable price. And the second is a little bit higher market, which is All Saints and All Saints. You can, you know, that they’ve got an outlet in malls all over the country. So if you’ve got two or three hundred quid, go in and get yourself a lovely dress from All Saints. It’s incredibly high quality, fits like a dream most of the time. And they do a range of materials from cottons to silks. Honestly wonderful. But yeah, just like, I mean this, this dress that I’m wearing now, it’s a lovely, it’s a lovely kind of a three quarter length, a midi from a Primark from the Reese Aurora collection and it cost me something like 20 quid, you know, And I love this dress. It’s great.

Jenny Raven: Yeah, you look fantastic in it.

TransMichaela: Oh, thank you.

Jenny Raven: Yeah. I mean, for me, personally, thank goodness for Amazon. Not that I want to make Jeff Bezos any richer, but the ability to get almost anything in any size is mind blowing. And I only wish I’d had that available to me at 17, maybe even earlier, but it would have been a life changer for me and I had to wait so long to get, to get hold of anything that I really, really wanted. And when I did, it was, it was so, it was almost too difficult to experience because it was so overwhelming. And yeah, so thank goodness for Amazon. I just wish Jeff Bezos wasn’t getting richer. Yeah. So if you could go back in time and advise yourself and I guess it’s, you know, broad advice to younger people, what do you think you would.

TransMichaela: Say to yourself, bitch, stop pretending you are trans. Get on with the transition. Come out. Do not waste. Waste is the wrong word. Do not spend any more of your time pretending to be something that you are not. You cannot keep this up for the rest of your life. It is simply not possible. And there will come a time where it will all blow up. And because of the lies that you will need to tell in order to mask, you are going to hurt way more people way worse than if you do this now. So if you give a shit not only about yourself, but about the people that you love in your life, stop masking, stop pretending and get on with it. You will face prejudice, you will face bigots. But. But that is par for the course. You are not like, you are not like those other people. And that’s okay. So while you may have some struggles ahead, your struggles are actually no worse than a lot of other people’s. It’s just that they’re different. You’ll have different struggles in your life and that’s okay too. So get off your ass, go and speak to a public notary. Get your name changed as the first step, get good with makeup. Grow your hair out. Can’t, you know, certainly don’t only wear a wig while you’re growing, growing your, your hair. Even if you buy a very, very nice wig, it’s still obvious that it’s a wig, right? And even then you’ve got to take it off and nothing beats your own hair. Go and get laser hair removal. Go and get electrolysis. If you can’t get laser hair removal, do it and do it now. You’re going to have a hard journey ahead, but it’s all going to be worth it in the end when you are able to present to the world your authentic self. That’s what I would say to young Michaela.

Jenny Raven: Well, look, I’ve really enjoyed our conversation. It’s been incredibly enlightening and inspiring for me personally. I hope the listeners find it equally inspiring. How can people find you?

TransMichaela: You can find me on Instagram Transmika and that is the single best place to find me.

Jenny Raven: Well, look, I’m going to continue on my journey and clearly you’re going to continue on your journey, but I think I might circle back round to you in a, in six months or a year and check in and see where you’re at and see where I’m at, see if there’s been any developments. But thank you so much for sharing yourself so authentically and giving us your time. I really appreciate it and I look forward to hearing your comments on what you think of it.

TransMichaela: I can’t wait to hear it. Jenny, stay in touch. Please stay in touch. We’re a small community and whatever the situation is, because I know that there’s a lot of friction or there can be a lot of friction between trans community and the cross dressing community, but ultimately we’re all trying to do, we’re all just trying to live our lives with tolerance and acceptance. Cross dressing shouldn’t be something as long as it’s done tastefully, I think. I mean, you know, take a cisgender woman and stick her in a made outfit, probably not right for going down the shops, right? I don’t think the cross dressing should be some seedy thing sometimes, bro. Just might want to wear a dress and that’s fine. Ain’t nothing wrong with that at all. So, yeah, what I would, what I would say is that we face similar. In fact, I don’t even know if this is similar, but we both face challenges. They’re just different challenges you face. You know, I face bigotry and discrimination. I’ve even had clients turn me down before because of who I am. But I face it very much in the open. Your challenge, one of your big challenges, is keeping everything bottled up secret. And that as someone who knows. Right. That is brutal as well. And having to. I know what it’s like to have to take off your makeup and put on your horrible fucking boy clothes and go to a meeting as someone that you’re not. I know what that’s like.

Jenny Raven: Yeah, it is. One of the other things that has always amazed me is how many men don’t know what women’s clothes feel like because they are so different and so liberating and freeing. And it kind of makes me sad that they’re just not in touch with that, whatever that sensual, feminine part of themselves is, because it’s in all of us. It doesn’t matter what we were born. We all have that to varying degrees. And I just wish we more people would be open to just drifting into that way of being a little bit more and ex experiencing it, because it is, it is very joyous and very playful and. Yeah, that absolutely.

TransMichaela: Wear what the fuck you want.

Jenny Raven: Exactly.

TransMichaela: As long as you know, you’re, you’re, you’re, you know, you’re covered up in public, then I’m happy.

Jenny Raven: Well, thank you again so much and we’ll be in touch.

TransMichaela: Thanks so much. Thanks so much for having me on. I’ve had a great time chatting to you.

Jenny Raven: Thank you, girls for listening to my podcast. I really appreciate you listening all the way through to the end. If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve heard, then please consider going over to my we*****@********en.com and join my mailing list. Then you’ll get information about all of my very, very naughty things that I send out on a regular basis. You’ll also get access to a couple of my free stories. You can either read them or better still, you can experience them as an audio journey where I will directly encourage you to dress up for me in your favourite costume and do very, very, very unspeakably naughty things. I can’t wait for you to send me photos of that experience with me. So please do join up the jennyraven.com.